I Admit I Am a People Watcher In the Gym

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People watcher 1

Okay I don’t mean that in the creepy way of course where you can just feel people looking at you and you want to yell at them “what are you looking at” (lol). I mean that in the flattering, I wonder what their routine consists of and how do I move to that phase in my journey, kind of way. 

I will glance at the person one the treadmill next to me, or two treadmills away, and see them running and think “I can’t wait to get back to the point where I can run” and wondering when that day is going to come. Or I will see these women who on the outside don’t look like they can lift what I see them lifting in the gym but I look and just say to myself “wow”. 

I wouldn’t say that it is envy because I know that everyone has different goals they are working toward and their goals may not be what mine are. Also I know that it is foolish to wish you were in anyone else’s shoes because you don’t know what walking in their shoes is really like. However, I look not only in awe but also in frustration because my mind keeps telling me that I should have reached that level by now but body keeps telling me “no not yet, be patient” and I don’t know if I’ve told you all this before but patience has never been my strong suit and I am hard-headed. 

My hard-headedness usually ends with me in more physical pain then I would’ve been if I had listen to my body instead of my mind. Those people I watch, I watch them in admiration because they inspire me and make me believe that I can get to that level, but only when my body and my mind are both in agreement. But I can’t lie and say that I wish my body would hurry up already, I’m ready to go to the next phase of this journey, at least in my mind anyway! 

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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If Only My Body Could Do What My Mind Says It Can

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pushing the limits mind and body

I can’t wait to shed at least half of the weight that I want to shed. I know that it’s not really about the number but rather about being healthier but there are some things I want to be able to do in the gym without having physical ailments get in my way and I know that getting more of this weight off will help with that. 

Right now I just have to push through the pain without overdoing it and hurting myself to the point where I can’t workout at all. I want to be able to run on the treadmill like I had once before but I can’t even walk for a thirty minute interval without getting sharp pains in my leg and the pain in my knee kicking in halfway through it. 

I look around at the other people on the treadmills running and I want to be able to run as well and ordinarily I would just ignore the pain and run anyway but in the past when I would run before my body was really ready I would end up suffering the consequences sooner rather than later so I’m trying my best to be good this time. But it’s hard to have my mind tell me that I can do something and have my body be in such disagreement with that. 

In my mind I’m already able to run marathons but my body knows better. See it’s not so much about the number for me as it is about the relief on my body so that I won’t be in so much physical pain. I can only imagine how much more effective my workouts will be once the pain lessens. I’m waiting for that day to come but until it does I will just have to stay steadily on the course I am on and persevere. That just means I will have to increase the time of my workouts since I can’t increase the intensity just yet. But I do love working out!

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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Will the Number Reflect the Work I’ve Put In

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forget what the scale says

It’s been almost a month now since I’ve started back at my workout regimen which of course since I said I was going to weigh myself at the beginning of each month means it’s almost weigh in time (Sunday). I have to say I’m a bit nervous because even though I am starting to feel the change in my body I don’t know if it will show up just yet on the scale. Not to mention I am not sure that I have gotten enough of a handle on my bad eating habits for it to start showing up on the scale either. 

I am hopeful because I have definitely been putting in some hard work at the gym and I have made sure to be consistent and I won’t lie and say that it wouldn’t be frustrating if the scale didn’t show the progress that I feel. I also know that the progress I feel will not be negated by whatever number shows up on that scale. I know that I can’t beat myself up if the number doesn’t show the hard work that I have put in because that still doesn’t change that I feel the change. 

My legs are feeling stronger, while I am still having knee issues I have been having less struggles with my knee than before, and I also am starting to feel a change in my energy levels. I also feel like my confidence is coming back and that feeling is priceless, regardless of what that number is going to say on the scale. 

Weight loss is about so much more than just the number that you see when you get on a scale and it took me a long time to really get that and for it to sink in. I could lose another 100 pounds but if I still don’t feel good about myself and don’t feel healthy and strong then what does it really mean? I am discovering things about myself on this journey also that still amaze me everyday and one of them is that I have so much willpower that carries me though on this weight loss goal. 

I get up when I don’t want to, I keep going when I don’t want to, and on a slightly less celebratory scale, when I know I shouldn’t go any further (due to physical strain) I continue until I have completed the goal I set in the beginning. The last one could be a really bad thing in the long run but it does say something about me. It says that if I set a goal I am going to get there no matter what. I am feeling good today and I love this feeling!

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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I’m Trying To Get A Handle On My Eating Habits, and I think It’s Working…

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Get fit in gym lose weight in kitchen

I think that I am finally starting to curb my really bad habit of snacking at night. Okay maybe I still have some work to do in that area but I am certainly better at it then I was three weeks ago. I do admit that I go to bed quite late (about 1 to 2 am) so in fairness when I eat dinner before 7 in the evening it’s hard not to get a little hungry before I go to bed. 

It is a struggle to maintain a healthy eating regimen because the cost of food has only gotten higher and I have a specific grocery budget that I have to stick to if I want to be able to pay my other bills as well. It’s hard to not go for the “not so good for you” foods when you go to the grocery store and all of the inexpensive and sale items happen to be some of the not so healthy things they have to eat. I try my best to do what I can with what I have and that leaves me with some options that aren’t always the best in terms of being healthy. 

Now another thing concerning my eating that I have to absolutely get under control is my emotional eating and my bored eating. For the most part I will say that I don’t so much eat when I am bored but I have in the past been known to occasionally snack just because there wasn’t anything else to do. My main issue (in which I have recently managed to reign in a bit) is eating when I am feeling upset or depressed. That is something that I know I need to stop doing but it is hard to just expect myself to stop doing that cold turkey. 

They say that losing weight is 20% workout and exercise but 80% what you eat and if that is in fact true then I have to really start focusing on my diet. I have to learn how to cook some of my favorite things (or close to them) but in a healthy way and how to eat the proper foods at the proper times. Living a healthy lifestyle is not something you can do with ease. It takes some serious work and effort but I am definitely willing to put everything I have into this effort.

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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Settling Into My Journey, Even Though My Goal Seems So Far Away

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Settling INto my weight loss journey

Okay so I am well on my way in week three and I’m starting to feel even stronger in my workout regimen and I am very happy with my level of consistency (particularly since my consistency has been complimented on) with my working out. I know that the next thing I have to work on tackling is my eating habits and it’s not just my eating habits that I need to work on fixing but also my daughter’s because I am not fighting this struggle for myself but also for her sake. 

In many ways I think that I am at fault for my daughter’s being overweight and after taking her to the doctor’s office last week for a sick visit and seeing her weight and what it has ballooned up to I am very ashamed that I have seemingly transferred my weight issues onto her. I won’t give her weight on here because even though she is a child she is entitled to some privacy in her numbers but I wanted to cry when I saw the number because I realized I had not only got relaxed in my health plan for myself but also the one that I was on for her as well. 

So this weight loss journey that I am on is not just for me but for my daughter as well. I want her to have the healthiest life possible and I need to do better. There are no excuses that I can make, I simply need to do better. I know that it may seem backwards to get the workout program back on track before addressing the eating habits and the food that is consumed but I feel like getting the habit of exercise going again first, both in me and my child. 

I think now that I have gotten back in the swing of things as far as my workouts and I am getting my daughter back use to exercising again (just starting), I can begin to try and focus on what foods to keep on our monthly grocery list and what foods not remove. Also figuring out the appropriate times of day and proper amount of meals to have is a huge part of it as well. 

So this journey of mine as turned from a journey of one to now being a journey of two. Now to find some sneaky ways to sneak vegetables into the meals for a picky eater (my daughter) who does not like any vegetable besides green beans! Hope your journey’s are going well and please share your journey’s with me. Let’s strengthen each other!

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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There’s More To This Journey Than Just the Outside

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Journey inside

There’s something that I have noticed that I am starting to get back now that I have started going back to the gym and working on getting my health together. Yes obviously I am starting to feel a little more in shape (a little), and yes the obvious bonus here is that I will be increasing my life span by losing the weight I need to lose and getting it under control. But there is something else that I didn’t realize that I was loosing when I had stopped going to the gym and got off track. My confidence. 

Before when I had lost the weight I lost and was feeling healthier and stronger physically, I realize now, that I was feeling better mentally as well and I felt this air of confidence developing inside me that was never really there before. I’ve always struggled with self-esteem issues and issues with self-love and self-acceptance but that period of time when I was on track I had started to feel more confident, and started to love myself even more and my confidence, while it wasn’t through the roof, it was finally present. 

I think that among other things, that is what finally made me realize that I have gotten too far off track and that I had to find a way to start back up at the gym again because I was starting to lose the bit of confidence that I had built up. I was starting to look in the mirror and see that woman that I didn’t like so much again, the one that didn’t really like herself. Now that I have been back at this for a couple of weeks now I know that I still have a long way to go but I feel that confidence coming back again and I feel the change in myself on more than just a physical level. 

This weight loss journey for me is not solely about the physical matter of losing all of this weight that I have put on by eating emotionally and being able to be medically healthy. This journey is also about me getting to that place emotionally where I am confident within myself and strengthening my self-love and self-acceptance. I’m getting back to loving me again and I’m feeling really good about that!

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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There Are Times When the Towel Should Be Thrown In

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Sometimes You Have to throw in the towel

Well when I anticipated going in to this week I had hoped that things would all go according to my plan, along with the schedule, and without any hiccups. I should’ve known better because I can never plan around mother nature (snow delays at my child’s school), and physical pains that creep up on me unexpectedly. You would think that with my size that I would anticipate these physical pains, particularly since I went for quite some time without exercising but it always seem that I have some type of physical ailment that pops up when I least need it too. 

Today I missed my workout at the gym because as soon as I got to the gym after dropping my daughter off at school the school nurse called me to come pick her back up because she wasn’t feeling well. In some ways I think it might have been a blessing in disguise because my ankles were really bothering my last night and I was truly wondering how I was going to get through a workout with my ankles in such pain. 

Sometimes even the most pesky little obstacles will creep up to let us know that even when we want to go all in, we have to still be aware of when we need to back off and ease up so that our body can get the appropriate recovery time. That’s not to say that I think my daughter feeling bad was in any way a good thing but I think that God knows me well enough to know that my daughter (or something she needs) is probably the only thing that could get me to possibly slow down and examine the current situation and perhaps deviate from the normal routine that I had in my mind. 

I get told constantly that I have to listen to what my body towels me and not what I keep trying to tell my mind to tell my body. In my mind I think “I can keep going, all or nothing” and I try to communicate that to my body but in reality my body is telling me “you have to ease up so that I don’t completely shut down and then you won’t be able to do anything”. Have to learn that my body has a say in this fight for healthiness and I need to listen to it. In my quest to never give up and not throw in the towel I have to learn when I am pushing a little too hard and may need to, in fact, throw in that towel. 

 

Jimmetta Carpenter

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