Okay so I haven’t even been back in the gym for a month yet and already I am starting to have injury issues. One day one knee hurts and then another day the other one just starts to pop every so often when I walk, but only after strenuous exercise. One of the trainers that goes to the gym and trains some of her clients there says that I might want to get my knee checked out and stop working out until I am giving the all clear but the problem with that is that I don’t currently have a doctor (although I am in heavy search for a new one) and by the time I find a decent one I could have lost valuable time working out and losing weight.
I am hard headed so I already know in my head that I am going to continue exercising. I just can’t go back to that place where I am gaining weight and not being able to do anything about it to lose it. I freak out now when I see even an increase of 5 pounds but that is mostly because I am not in the phase of maintaining my weight because I still have so much more I have left to lose. If I stop exercising now, if I “so-called” let my body heal, I could go back to being that woman who can’t even stand to look in the mirror again. I don’t want to go there and I have worked hard to lose this much, I can’t quit exercising.
So the question is how do I continue exercising to lose weight effectively without further injuring myself? Is that even possible to do? It seems like such irony that the one reason that keeps me from exercising with the intensity that there needs to be (that would be me being overweight) is the very reason that I need to keep going. I’m really starting to wonder if doing this the natural way, one my own, with no surgical intervention, was really the route I should’ve took.
I wanted to be able to say that I did this on my own and I know that it would mean more to me if I did but could it be that my weight has just done so much damage to my body that it might not be possible? I don’t have any of the answers to that right now. I just know that I can’t stop exercising, I suppose not until a doctor tells me I absolutely have to. Perhaps that is the reason I am not in any rush to go to a doctor? Am I just asking for further damage?
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”