I can’t say exactly what day I started this journey of losing weight and becoming a healthier me but I believe it was around 3 and a half years ago. I’ve gone from being extremely strict (and I do mean extreme) about my eating habits and working out for two hours a day in the gym (or until I practically killed myself—not literally of course), to relaxing a bit on my eating habits and only working out for about an hour a day (45 minutes of cardio, 15 minutes of strength training).
I’ve had slip ups where I’ve completely gotten in a funk and turned back to my emotional eating ways of eating the worst foods I could get my hands on. But then I always straightened myself back out and got back on track. I have learned, however, that completely cutting out all of the foods that I love is not the way to go because it just makes me want them all the more, so I try and reward myself on the weekends and I try to allow myself to be okay with that.
My journey to a healthier (and of course smaller) version of me has also transformed into me helping my daughter to become healthier and getting her weight under control before it gets out of hand and it’s too late to do anything about it. So we have taken up skating which I am starting to remember how much I loved it a long time ago, and it seems to be helping a lot, for the both of us.
A couple of weeks ago I bought some new workout clothes because my old ones were too big for me (something all of us plump girls love to be able to say) and I had to break down and buy new ones. I took a chance on buying a particular size that I had not worn since I was in high school (which by the way I would give anything to wear that size again) and to my surprise and wonderful shock I actually fit them. Now they’re workout clothes which as you know means they stretch so I haven’t quite reached the point where I can buy jeans in that size yet but a year ago I couldn’t have even bought workout clothes in that size so I am doing a happy dance.
I am finally beginning to see what other people see when they tell me that I am coming down and that I am making so much progress. I also did something today that I really don’t like to do, I got on the scale, and I didn’t break down into deep depression (which is what I always do), in fact I finally took in the distance that I have come in this journey of mine and started to really appreciate it.
I’m not vocal when it comes to the number it says on the scale when I get on there but I can tell you guys that when I started this journey some 3 and a half years ago I was well over 450lbs (it hurts to even have to type that number), probably really close to the 480lb mark. I couldn’t even give you an exact figure because I was too large to really be accurately weighed so I can never accurately tell you the exact amount that I have lost. I can’t even tell you how I let it get that bad. I do know that while I would love to say that I am in the 200’s by now (because I feel I should be) I have lost close to 150lbs (as I said I can’t be exact).
I realize that in 3 and a half years I probably should have lost more but I am still trying to find that balance of being healthy and fit without becoming extremely excessive and dangerously obsessed with losing weight. I know that I have not stopped remaining consistent and I know that the slower the process the better chance at it all staying off. I also realize that to look the way I envision myself looking I am probably going to have to do the skin removal surgery when I get to the point where I think I’m ready (which may be adding to the number on the scale).
I am going to be more active on this blog and keep you guys updated and maybe my story and my journey can help someone else out there to know that they don’t have to have all the answers to becoming healthier as long as they are constantly moving in the right direction. I can tell you that I am feeling much healthier and much better about myself then I did when I started this journey, better then I felt even a year ago. It took so much courage to even tell you guys’ my numbers but I plan on keeping up the progress I am making and losing a lot more in the next coming year. Until next time, don’t keep looking back at where you were, start looking at how far you’ve come. I have!
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”