I confess…I don’t really desire to be a size 8!!!
I realized that I have to stop looking at these women who, while beautiful, are thinner then I ever plan on being and saying if only I could look like you because truth be told I don’t desire to be stick thin. Now that is not to say that these women are not beautiful in their own right and I applaud their conscious health efforts but my body was just not made to be as size 8. Hell I don’t even think that my body was made to be a size 10.
I think that a part of this journey to a healthier me has to include realizing that people were made with different body shapes and structures that could hold a certain size and some body types were meant for slightly larger structures than others. Not overweight structures but a structure of thicker but healthier proportions. I’ve spent a lot of time looking at my remarkably skinnier friends and wishing that my body could look like theirs. Largely in part because my mother always told me that it should and that I would never be desirable if it didn’t. It took almost 30 years for me to finally get it. I don’t have to be that skinny to be considered beautiful. My full figure (ok well right now it’s a little fuller then it should be but I’m working on that) is beautiful and what makes me even more beautiful has absolutely nothing to do with how I look on the outside.
Why did it take me so long to realize that? Well never mind the why, the good thing is that I have. I have to stop saying things like if I can only look like you or be the size that someone is when they are an 8 or 10 because I don’t ever really want to be that small. I like having a full figure and I have come to terms with it and even embraced it because there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. We are beautiful women just like the women who are skinnier than us. Now that is not to say that I don’t want to lose the rest of the weight that I am trying to lose because I have to do that if I want to make sure I live a longer, fuller, and healthier life. One in which I get to see all of the good things that are going to happen in my child’s life as she grows up. I have to be here for her because I am all she’s got and she is why I’m doing this. Not to be a size 8 but rather to be alive and enjoy life. Until next time…embrace the you within!!!
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”