I have to confess… food scares me now!!!
As I journey to a better, healthier version of myself I think that I am becoming obsessed with losing weight and all things healthy. I think part of that is because I just can’t seem to figure out how to eat right. I spend so much time researching on the internet and in books and asking other people who have lost the weight that I want to lose how can I do this better that I end up getting upset that I’m not doing this losing weight thing good enough or in the right way that it just leads me to grab and pick up the wrong things anyway. I’ve had people comment to me that I am becoming obsessed with this and to not take it so seriously because they don’t want me to become obsessive about it but this is my health, my life that we’re talking about. I have this huge fear that if I don’t do something about my weight now and get it under control I am going to die way too early, either of a heart attack or some diabetes related issue. That is not what I want and I know that it’s no one’s fault but my own for taking this long. So how do I find the balance between grasping an attainable plan for a healthier lifestyle and becoming obsessed about everything that has to do with me losing this weight? I don’t want my trying to become healthier to result in my growing even unhealthier. It’s so many things that you supposedly can’t eat and then you turn around and hear that it might not be so bad. There are so many exercises that are good for certain people and certain body types. Sometimes I just feel like I shouldn’t eat anything but then logically I know that that will not help the situation but I just feel scared by food because I don’t know what to eat and what not to eat anymore. I suppose I will figure this thing out eventually. I have to. Until next time…I hope you find your balance!!!
The Diary: Succession of Lies (Now Available)
Writing as “Jaycee Durant”